We fought and broke up over a petty reason. He left me. I tried fighting for us because what relationship deserves to be done just because of a petty fight? But I realized he left me over a petty fight while I accepted him, forgave him for doing the same mistakes he said he won't do again, I gave him chances that he said he won't ruin my trust again and yet he left me again. Yes he left me but this time he can't come back anymore. This time no more chances and no more reminding him how worthy I am. I am worthy and he's stupid for taking my love for granted. I will be okay. I will be okay because we have to be okay. For now, I'll forgive myself. I'm still forgiving myself right now. I loved hard and I deserve to take some rest. I am still proud that I can love so hard even though he didn't love me that much. He just lost a person who would never give up on him if only he stayed but he chose to let me go and I don't feel sorry anymore. I did my part. I'm done.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
She
She’s the type of girl that sees the best in people. She ignores their shattered pieces and focuses on what’s left. That’s why she gives out so many compliments, does so many favors.
She’s trying to be a positive beacon in this dark world.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
I Hope I will Find Someone Who Appreciates Me
I hope he will comfort me during my wretchedness. When I am frail and I feel like my world is about to collapse. Without him thinking that I am weak.
I hope he will see the light in my eyes when I gaze at him; the way my eyes used to lit up when I looked at you.
I hope he will hold my hand when I feel cold. Or when I am anxious. Or just simply he will hold my hand because he doesn’t want to let me go.
I hope he will close his eyes when he kisses me. Feel the magic in my lips and gallop in spark with every breath I make.
I hope he will tell me goodnight. Ask how my day was and will not let me sleep knowing I feel unwanted.
I hope he will give me the assurance of how much he loves me whenever I feel jealous or whenever i feel my insecurities. That I am irreplaceable even though there a lot of girls who are much prettier than me.
I hope he will check on me when I am alone. When I feel lonely and when I feel no one is around to give me warmth.
I hope he will wipe my tears away. Choose me without dividing my good parts and my ugly ones. Choose me every single day.
I hope he will appreciates me. The kind of person that I am. Because I am more than enough.
I hope he will know how to listen. When I am in a bad mood and would just like to rant. He will not be mad because I am mad. Instead he will lend an ear and assure me that everything will be all right.
I hope he will make time for me. Put an effort to include me in his list of priorities. That he would actually go out of his way just to spend a moment with me and make sure that I am fine.
I hope he will stay when times get rough. When it’s not only convenient. Because he really wants me in his life.
I hope he will understand that I am flawed. I may be imperfect and needy at times, but I am so worthy of love because I give so much of it, too.
I hope he will help me understand myself. Help me find answers to my “why’s” and actually enjoy every minute of it without having to make me feel like it’s a chore.
I hope he will feel my excitement when I talk about him. Like the sun rises and sets in his eyes. Like he is the only thing that matters to me.
I hope he will love me exactly just the way I am. Not just because I am simply beautiful, but because I am me… Just like how I wanted you to love me.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Bakit ako nagstay?
Bakit ako nag-stay?
1. Kahit ilang beses mo nang pinatunayan sa akin na dapat kitang iwan, hindi ako umalis. Umaasa kasi akong baka pagod ka lang o may pinagdaraanan kaya may mga pangako kang napapako at may mga nasabi kang masasakit.
2. Siguro dahil pakiramdam ko, kailangan mo ako. Ganun naman sa pagmamahal eh. Tulungan. Kampihan. Ako kakampi mo diba? Kaya hindi kita iiwanan.
3. Baka hindi uso sa akin ang mapagod. Na kahit ilang beses mo nang pinaramdam sa akin na parang hindi tayo para sa isa't-isa, nag-aabang pa rin ako. Hinihintay ko na titingin ka ulit sa akin, yayakapin ako at bubulong ng "Sorry kanina. Mahal na mahal kita. Alam mo yun."
4. Marahil ako yung tipo ng taong mas mahal kita kaysa sa mas mahal ko ang sarili ko. Sasabihin ng iba, katangahan yun pero sa totoo lang, ikaw ang lakas ko. Masaya akong minamahal kita kahit minsan, ang sakit sakit na.
5. Baka natatakot lang ako. Natatakot ako na mawala ka sa akin kaya ayokong umalis. Umaasa ako na pwede pang magbago. Umaasa ako na pwede pang maayos ang lahat. Natatakot akong mawala ka kasi mahal na mahal kita.
Sana ganun ka rin sa akin. :'(
Heyyyanie ♡
Iiwan mo rin ako
Iiwan mo rin ako kapag nagsawa kana. Iiwan mo rin ako kapag pagod ka na. Pansamantala lang naman kasi lahat.
Bagay,
Paniniwala,
Buhay,
Tao,
Pagmamahal,
Kasama na kung ano meron sa "ako at ikaw".
Darating din yong araw na magsasawa ka sa mga 'iloveyou' ko kada oras. Maiinis ka na sa kaartehan at mga kadramahan ko. Magagalit ka dahil sa mga pangungulit at paglalambing ko. Magrereklamo kana dahil iyong iyo halos lahat ng oras ko at nasasakal kana. Maiirita ka na dahil ginigising kita kapag tulog ka kasi nami-miss kita. Ayaw mo nang hawakan ang kamay ko dahil naiilang ka. Hindi na ako maganda sa paningin mo at mas masarap ang tulog mo kapag nakatalikod ka sa'kin. Hindi ka na natutuwa sa mga ginagawa ko para sa'yo. Kahit sa simpleng pag text sa'yo kung kamusta ka, nasisira na agad ang araw mo. Mag-aaway na lang tayo kahit walang dahilan. Maiinis ka na lang kahit hindi ako nagsasalita. Hindi mo man sabihin pero alam ko naman kung bakit. Wala ka nang gana sa atin, sa tayo, sa akin. Nasasaktan ka sa tuwing nakikita mo ako pero hindi ka makapagbigay ng dahilan para makipaghiwalay. Hanggang sa makahanap ka na ng iba tapos saka mo ako iiwan.
Iiwan mo rin ako kahit pa sa kabila ng lahat ng mga ginawa ko kasi ganon naman talaga.
Walang permanente.
Lahat umaalis.
Lahat napapagod.
Lahat sumusuko.
Kahit pa ibigay ko ang mundo ko, kulang pa rin. Manlalamig ka pa rin. Hindi ko lang alam kung kailan. Pero sana matagal pa. Sana may panahon pa ako para mahalin ka nang sapat at higit pa.
Hangga't kaya ko at hindi ka pa nagsasawa, ibibigay ko lahat ng meron ako. Hindi ako susunod sa payo nila na dapat magtira ako sa sarili ko. Kung ano ang akin ay 'yon din ang sa'yo. Aalagaan kita araw-araw may sakit man o wala. Masaktan man ako, maghihilom din naman ang mga sugat kinabukasan. Kung masaya ka sa ngayon, hihigitan ko pa para mas lalo ka maging masaya at hindi agad tayo umabot sa dulo. At sana nga walang dulo.
At kung sakali na iiwan mo na ako, magpaalam ka. Yon lang naman.
Tatanggapin ko kahit sobrang sakit. Lahat naman ganon. Lahat naman nang iiwan. Sabihin mo na lang sakin kung ayaw mo na para kahit papano subukan kong pigilan ang sarili ko na mahalin ka pa. At para hindi ko makita lahat ng mga ginagawa ko ay nagagawa mo na ngayon sa iba.
-desiderata
Heyyyanie ♡
Eat your words
Sabi ko noon, kung malalaman kong niloloko ako ng lalaki agad agad kong iiwan yon. No ifs and buts. No explanations needed. Pero eto ako. Nilulunok lahat ng salitang nabitawan ko noon. Tinanggap ka ng ganon kadali. Walang nabitawang masasamang salita laban sayo. Siguro ayaw ko lang masaktan ka. Tama na sigurong ako lang yung nasasaktan. Sinusubukang maging normal ang bawat oras na nagdaraan na para bang wala kang nagawang kasalanan. Kahit na paulit ulit na tumatakbo sa isipan ko kung anong bang mali sakin? Ano bang kulang? Anong nagawa ko para magawa mo sakin ang mga bagay nato? Kasalanan ko ba? Hindi na ba kita napapasaya?
Heyyyanie ♡