Why I’m Letting You Go

Out of all the people I fell in love with, you were the one who I pictured a life with. Not any life, but the life I’ve always wanted. You were the one that I felt something with I have never felt before. You were the one whose with, it made sense. You were the one of my dreams. You were a wish that came true too soon. A dream that turned to a nightmare, a disappointment, a heartache.

Please believe me when I say that I forgive you. I don’t hate you but I most definitely hate the way you let me go. And I’ll never understand how easily you did it. I’ll never understand how flawlessly you forgot about me. But, I forgive you because I really loved you. I forgive you because I don’t want to give you power over the person I am and the future I could possibly have. I forgive you because I don’t need you to tell me what the truth is. I forgive you because that’s just who I am.

This is me letting you go for good. I’m accepting the fact that you belong with someone else. That someday, you’ll be waking-up next to someone who isn’t me. And that someday you’ll be someone’s everything. I’m letting go of hope that you’ll contact me. So, I’m blocking you everywhere. I’m letting go of fantasizing that you’ll tell me you’re sorry about everything just one last time. That you’ll tell me how much you missed me, but most importantly, that you’ll show it. I’m letting go of my desire that you’ll let me in, not half-way, not sort of but completely. I’m letting go of me thinking that you’ll come back because it’s always been me. I’m letting you go. And it’s not because I don’t love you still.

I’m letting you go because I want to be happy. I know that without you, I am not happy. But, I also know that with you I am not happy either. So I need to find my medium place where I am happy regardless. A place without memories of you in it, a place without a picture of you in it as well. I need to start over.

I’m letting you go because you gave-up. You gave-up on me, you gave-up on us, you gave-up on love. And so I get it when you said you had nothing to fight for. I’m letting you go because loving you has no meaning if it only stinks, if it only pains me. Because I can’t tell what’s real anymore. And because it’s my last resort. I’m letting you go because slowly but surely you too, let me go.

Forgive Him

Forgive him. I know you hate him. I know you despise him. I know you can't stand the sight of him. I even know seeing his name makes you angry. Yes, you have every right to feel that towards him. He hurt you over and over, even when you've given him chance after chance. You could even say you're entitled to feel so much hatred towards him and nobody would blame you. But just think about it; what has hating him done for you? Sure, it's kept you more guarded against people. Sure, it's made you more aware of peoples' bad intentions with you. Sure, it's caused you to not trust anybody and therefore, not leaving yourself vulnerable for anybody. But hating him has also caused you to push people away. Hating him has also stopped you from being able to see potential in people who actually want to be with you. Hating him has caused you to be bitter, which led to you emotionally shutting yourself down, which led to you not caring if you hurt people in the process or not, which led to you being unable to love anyone, including yourself. Do you really want to feel this way forever? Are you sure you want to carry this with you for the rest of your life? Would you actually be willing to make the next guy pay for the last guys' mistakes? That wouldn't be fair to him or for you because how could you ever find happiness when you're the one preventing yourself from finding it? Deep down, I know you miss being loved and you even miss loving someone. Deep down, I know you're afraid to give as much of yourself to someone as you did to the last guy again. Deep down, I know you're even having trouble putting the wall you've put up down. But, you just have to let it go. Not just him, but that part of your life. I know that relationship with him took a huge toll on you and it's left you damaged, but it isn't too late for you to put yourself back together and there's also nothing wrong with having someone help you. You just have to start by forgiving him because that is the only way you'll ever move on to the next chapter of your life. Come back to being happy again because we all miss that girl.

Unspoken words 101

We fought and broke up over a petty reason. He left me. I tried fighting for us because what relationship deserves to be done just because of a petty fight? But I realized he left me over a petty fight while I accepted him, forgave him for doing the same mistakes he said he won't do again, I gave him chances that he said he won't ruin my trust again and yet he left me again. Yes he left me but this time he can't come back anymore. This time no more chances and no more reminding him how worthy I am. I am worthy and he's stupid for taking my love for granted. I will be okay. I will be okay because we have to be okay. For now, I'll forgive myself. I'm still forgiving myself right now. I loved hard and I deserve to take some rest. I am still proud that I can love so hard even though he didn't love me that much. He just lost a person who would never give up on him if only he stayed but he chose to let me go and I don't feel sorry anymore. I did my part. I'm done.

She

She’s the type of girl that sees the best in people. She ignores their shattered pieces and focuses on what’s left. That’s why she gives out so many compliments, does so many favors.

She’s trying to be a positive beacon in this dark world.

I Hope I will Find Someone Who Appreciates Me

‪I hope he will comfort me during my wretchedness. When I am frail and I feel like my world is about to collapse‬. Without him thinking that I am weak.

‪I hope he will see the light in my eyes when I gaze at him; the way my eyes used to lit up when I looked at you.‬

‪I hope he will hold my hand when I feel cold. Or when I am anxious. Or just simply he will hold my hand because he doesn’t want to let me go.‬

‪I hope he will close his eyes when he kisses me. Feel the magic in my lips and gallop in spark with every breath I make.‬

‪I hope he will tell me goodnight. Ask how my day was and will not let me sleep knowing I feel unwanted.‬

I hope he will give me the assurance of how much he loves me whenever I feel jealous or whenever i feel my insecurities. That I am irreplaceable even though there a lot of girls who are much prettier than me.

‪I hope he will check on me when I am alone. When I feel lonely and when I feel no one is around to give me warmth.‬

‪I hope he will wipe my tears away. Choose me without dividing my good parts and my ugly ones. Choose me every single day.‬

‪I hope he will appreciates me. The kind of person that I am. Because I am more than enough.‬

‪I hope he will know how to listen. When I am in a bad mood and would just like to rant. He will not be mad because I am mad. Instead he will lend an ear and assure me that everything will be all right.‬

‪I hope he will make time for me. Put an effort to include me in his list of priorities. That he would actually go out of his way just to spend a moment with me and make sure that I am fine.

‪I hope he will stay when times get rough. When it’s not only convenient. Because he really wants me in his life.‬

‪I hope he will understand that I am flawed. I may be imperfect and needy at times, but I am so worthy of love because I give so much of it, too.‬

‪I hope he will help me understand myself. Help me find answers to my “why’s” and actually enjoy every minute of it without having to make me feel like it’s a chore.

‪I hope he will feel my excitement when I talk about him. Like the sun rises and sets in his eyes. Like he is the only thing that matters to me.

‪I hope he will love me exactly just the way I am. Not just because I am simply beautiful, but because I am me… Just like how I wanted you to love me.

Bakit ako nagstay?

Bakit ako nag-stay?
1. Kahit ilang beses mo nang pinatunayan sa akin na dapat kitang iwan, hindi ako umalis. Umaasa kasi akong baka pagod ka lang o may pinagdaraanan kaya may mga pangako kang napapako at may mga nasabi kang masasakit.
2. Siguro dahil pakiramdam ko, kailangan mo ako. Ganun naman sa pagmamahal eh. Tulungan. Kampihan. Ako kakampi mo diba? Kaya hindi kita iiwanan.
3. Baka hindi uso sa akin ang mapagod. Na kahit ilang beses mo nang pinaramdam sa akin na parang hindi tayo para sa isa't-isa, nag-aabang pa rin ako. Hinihintay ko na titingin ka ulit sa akin, yayakapin ako at bubulong ng "Sorry kanina. Mahal na mahal kita. Alam mo yun."
4. Marahil ako yung tipo ng taong mas mahal kita kaysa sa mas mahal ko ang sarili ko. Sasabihin ng iba, katangahan yun pero sa totoo lang, ikaw ang lakas ko. Masaya akong minamahal kita kahit minsan, ang sakit sakit na.
5. Baka natatakot lang ako. Natatakot ako na mawala ka sa akin kaya ayokong umalis. Umaasa ako na pwede pang magbago. Umaasa ako na pwede pang maayos ang lahat. Natatakot akong mawala ka kasi mahal na mahal kita.

Sana ganun ka rin sa akin. :'(

Heyyyanie ♡

Iiwan mo rin ako

Iiwan mo rin ako kapag nagsawa kana. Iiwan mo rin ako kapag pagod ka na. Pansamantala lang naman kasi lahat.

Bagay,
Paniniwala,
Buhay,
Tao,
Pagmamahal,

Kasama na kung ano meron sa "ako at ikaw".

Darating din yong araw na magsasawa ka sa mga 'iloveyou' ko kada oras. Maiinis ka na sa kaartehan at mga kadramahan ko. Magagalit ka dahil sa mga pangungulit at paglalambing ko. Magrereklamo kana dahil iyong iyo halos lahat ng oras ko at nasasakal kana. Maiirita ka na dahil ginigising kita kapag tulog ka kasi nami-miss kita. Ayaw mo nang hawakan ang kamay ko dahil naiilang ka. Hindi na ako maganda sa paningin mo at mas masarap ang tulog mo kapag nakatalikod ka sa'kin. Hindi ka na natutuwa sa mga ginagawa ko para sa'yo. Kahit sa simpleng pag text sa'yo kung kamusta ka, nasisira na agad ang araw mo. Mag-aaway na lang tayo kahit walang dahilan. Maiinis ka na lang kahit hindi ako nagsasalita. Hindi mo man sabihin pero alam ko naman kung bakit. Wala ka nang gana sa atin, sa tayo, sa akin. Nasasaktan ka sa tuwing nakikita mo ako pero hindi ka makapagbigay ng dahilan para makipaghiwalay. Hanggang sa makahanap ka na ng iba tapos saka mo ako iiwan.

Iiwan mo rin ako kahit pa sa kabila ng lahat ng mga ginawa ko kasi ganon naman talaga.

Walang permanente.
Lahat umaalis.
Lahat napapagod.
Lahat sumusuko.

Kahit pa ibigay ko ang mundo ko, kulang pa rin. Manlalamig ka pa rin. Hindi ko lang alam kung kailan. Pero sana matagal pa. Sana may panahon pa ako para mahalin ka nang sapat at higit pa.

Hangga't kaya ko at hindi ka pa nagsasawa, ibibigay ko lahat ng meron ako. Hindi ako susunod sa payo nila na dapat magtira ako sa sarili ko. Kung ano ang akin ay 'yon din ang sa'yo. Aalagaan kita araw-araw may sakit man o wala. Masaktan man ako, maghihilom din naman ang mga sugat kinabukasan. Kung masaya ka sa ngayon, hihigitan ko pa para mas lalo ka maging masaya at hindi agad tayo umabot sa dulo. At sana nga walang dulo.

At kung sakali na iiwan mo na ako, magpaalam ka. Yon lang naman.

Tatanggapin ko kahit sobrang sakit. Lahat naman ganon. Lahat naman nang iiwan. Sabihin mo na lang sakin kung ayaw mo na para kahit papano subukan kong pigilan ang sarili ko na mahalin ka pa. At para hindi ko makita lahat ng mga ginagawa ko ay nagagawa mo na ngayon sa iba.

-desiderata

Heyyyanie ♡

Eat your words

Sabi ko noon, kung malalaman kong niloloko ako ng lalaki agad agad kong iiwan yon. No ifs and buts. No explanations needed. Pero eto ako. Nilulunok lahat ng salitang nabitawan ko noon. Tinanggap ka ng ganon kadali. Walang nabitawang masasamang salita laban sayo. Siguro ayaw ko lang masaktan ka. Tama na sigurong ako lang yung nasasaktan. Sinusubukang maging normal ang bawat oras na nagdaraan na para bang wala kang nagawang kasalanan. Kahit na paulit ulit na tumatakbo sa isipan ko kung anong bang mali sakin? Ano bang kulang? Anong nagawa ko para magawa mo sakin ang mga bagay nato? Kasalanan ko ba? Hindi na ba kita napapasaya?

Heyyyanie ♡

No one

No one can accept your worst mood. Except for the person who loves you most.

Heyyyanie ♡

Kapag Sobrang Mahal

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao,sinisikap mong intindihin ang mga bagay na nagawa at hindi niya nagagawa para sa'yo.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mo magawang magalit sa kanya sa kabila ng lahat nang sakit at lungkot na naidudulot niya sa'yo.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao, sapat na sa'yo ang kung ano lang ang kaya niyang ibigay; kahit kaunting oras,atensyon at pagmamahal niya lang ay nakukuntento ka na.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao, nakakaya mong magtiis at magpasensya, nagagawa mo ang mga bagay na hindi mo sukat akalain noon na magawa mo ngayon.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao,tinatalikuran mo yung mga kaibigan mo para maibuhos sa kanya ang buong atensyon mo. Ipinagtatanggol mo siya sa ibang tao.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao,hinahayaan mo na lang siya na lokohin ka at pagmukhain kang tanga nang paulit-ulit. Hindi na mahalaga sa'yo kung paano o kung bakit niya nagawa ang mga bagay na 'yon sa kabila nang lahat. Hinahayaan mo ang sarili mong maging tanga sa paningin ng iba.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mo sila masisi kung bakit biglang hindi ka na niya mahal,kung bakit biglang ayaw na niya sa'yo,at kung bakit biglang may iba na siya.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao,hindi pa rin sapat 'yon para ikaw pa rin ang piliin niya sa huli.

Madalas kapag sobrang mahal mo ang isang tao, basta para sa ikakasaya niya gagawin mo; kahit na ang palayain at bitawan siya habang nasasaktan ka. Dahil dama mong hindi na siya magiging masaya sa piling mo.

— ಜೂಡಿ

#MidnightConversation

Heyyyanie ♡

Something to think about

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

- Bob Marley

Heyyyanie ♡

Taal Vista Hotel, Tagaytay

The best way to start 2017. Happy New Year Guys! More exploration and adventures for us. God bless you!

Heyyyanie ♡

Stupidest thing I did for love

You know, I never knew that it will lead me to my destruction but I'd still manage to pick up my broken pieces. And you know what is the stupidest thing that I did for love? I keep loving that person over and over again.

Do not love me

Do not love me if you  cannot accept my imperfections. I'm not the most beautiful. I have insecurities and I have body issues. Don't love me if you can't love the real me.

Do not love me if you'll just hurt and take me for granted in the end. I don't want temporary hook ups. I want a relationship for keeps.

Do not love me if you just want sex. I'm not a sex toy. My body is holy.

Do not make me feel special temporarily. Do not love me if you don't like commitment. I don't want to spend my time investing my emotions to someone who doesn't really value me.

Do not love me if you can't deal with my tantrums. Mood swings are normal you gotta deal with it.

Don't love me if you are just gonna be one of those people who are just good with words but not with actions. Man up.

Words by: Truth Slap